he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
