Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
