i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Still dying that you shit outside
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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