i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
