i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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