dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
