Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
