1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
