it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
