mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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