I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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