shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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