new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
