pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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