My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize