girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
