im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
