pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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