Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
