I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
