When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
