So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
