Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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