In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
