Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
