Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
