Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
