I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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