I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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