Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
