mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
