You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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