just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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