She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize