My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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