I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
