u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
