I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
