Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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