Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
