i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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