I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize