everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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