I bet he comes in French.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
