I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
