Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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