It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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