I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
