I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
