i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
