I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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