So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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