I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
