So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's shark week go big or go home
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
