All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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