Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
