Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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