I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
