so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
