Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So many bounce houses so little time
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
