I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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