my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
