Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
