she woke up with a sticky ear
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
