just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
