How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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