i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
