The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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