she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize