what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
