i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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