wanna go halves on a baby?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
