Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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