wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
