Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
