If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
