I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
