bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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