I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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