Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
