i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
