my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
