The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
