No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
