Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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