so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
