just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
